Social phobia
Can I get help for my social phobia?
Yes! The good news is you can help yourself. The bad news is that, like any challenge, it will involve hard work and having to face your fears.
The way we think, the way we feel and the way we act are all linked. If we change the way we think and act, we can feel better. Four things we can do to feel less stressed:
- Challenge your thoughts
- Challenge the way we act
- Focus less on ourselves
- Build our confidence
Challenge your thoughts
This means looking at the places that make you feel stressed in a different, more helpful way. You can do this by asking yourself:
- What proof do I have that what I think is right?
- What proof is there that what I think is wrong?
- What other reasons could there be for what I am thinking?
- What would I think if I was more sure of myself?
- What would I think at a time when I was more positive?
- What would I say to someone else who was thinking the same way?
- What is the worst thing that could happen? How likely is it to happen?
- Am I focusing on the black side of things?
- (if thinking about a time when you felt embarrassed or awkward) How much of a big deal will this be in five years time?
- What experience do I have of dealing with a situation like this?
- What can I do to change the situation? If I can't change the situation, can I keep an open mind to what it means?
Here are some ideas for doing this:
| Unhelpful thought | Other way of thinking |
|---|---|
| I sound really stupid | Maybe everyone feels stupid now and then. Even if I do sound stupid, it doesn't mean that I am |
| They can see that I am really nervous | Maybe, but that doesn't mean that they think badly of me. Maybe they are thinking about something else and haven't even noticed me. |
The key to changing thoughts is to keep an open mind:
- Maybe people are not judging me; they might not have even noticed me.
- Maybe I can't tell what people are thinking.
- Maybe I feel worse than I look.
- Maybe people don't think badly about people who are nervous. Maybe they feel nervous sometimes too.
- Maybe I am just as good as they are underneath.
Challenge the way you act
Just as we want to challenge thoughts, we also want to challenge the way we act. So if you are avoiding a situation or doing something that makes you feel safe then IT'S TIME TO FACE YOUR FEARS.
Keeping yourself safe by avoiding things that make you anxious will mean that you will never know if your thoughts are right. By taking a few risks you can test out your thoughts and find out if you were upsetting yourself for good reason.
Try new ways of doing things:
- Try to be more outgoing
- Try to ask more questions
- Try to meet new people like being more outgoing, asking more questions, or meeting new people
If you have been avoiding doing a talk at work then volunteer to do one. Come up with a way to cope better with the stress. 'I know that it will be scary but I will feel better for doing it. I will feel nervous but I will challenge my thoughts and try to think less about how I feel inside and how I look to others. I will prepare well. I will give handouts so that people know what I'm talking about. If I fluff-up it won't be end of the world.'
When we think in a more helpful way, we will feel less stressed and less likely to 'play safe'. That's not to say that we will no longer feel stress at all. Some stress is normal, above all when in a new or scary situation. It will take time for your stress levels to go down.
Stop focusing on yourself
When we are stressed we often focus on what is going on in our body and how we think that looks to other people around us.
It may be more useful to focus on what is going on around you. Focus on the room you are in or what people are saying. The less we think about how we are feeling inside, the less likely we are to have stressed thoughts. This will help you feel more in control.
Bear in mind that if you focus too much on your own body, this can lead to you making a mistake in the way you think. You may feel flustered and think that everyone is thinking badly of you. Just because you notice what your body is doing doesn't mean that others do.
Build your self confidence
This will be hard at first, but the more you try new things, the more you will feel sure of yourself. The more you feel sure of yourself, the more likely you will be to try new things.
It will be hard but just keep at it!
