Social phobia
Just about all of us have it to some extent. Surveys have shown that the most common fear in Britain is walking into a room full of strangers on your own). But it is a problem when it affects your day to day life. Here are some of the common things that are hard to do:
- Eat / drink in public
- Chat to neighbours
- Talk to people in charge
- Give a talk
- Talk to good looking people
One of the main fears is that you are coming over badly to others. So you might think:
- 'She think I'm boring'
- 'He thinks I'm stupid'
- 'They hope I don't come to the night out'
You might believe these things as well. You might put yourself down all the time (even though no-one does):
- 'I'm so dull'
- 'I'll just spoil the night for them'
- 'What if I don't know what to say?'
You might avoid going to places where you feel like this. If you do go, you might think you need a few drinks in you to cope. You will feel very tense while you are there. Your 'radar' will be on looking for signs that you are coming over badly to others. So you see someone yawn and your thoughts run away with themselves:
'He is bored with me…..They are all bored with me…..I am a boring person'
This gives you a good idea how the problems feeds itself.
Your 'radar' also scans you!
- 'I bet my hand shakes if I lift this glass'
- 'Oh no, I'm getting all sweaty'
- 'I must look like a rabbit in the head lights'
How common is it?
Very common. Both men and women get it. People from all walks of life get it. People learn to put on a mask to hide it a bit. So you might not be aware of it in others.
What causes it?
Hard to say. It often starts in teenage years when we are often more self-conscious in any case. It can start up after a period of stress. You might have been bullied, teased or rejected. It can start up for reasons that are not at all clear. While it is nice to know what starts it, it does not really matter too much. It is what keeps it going that is the main thing. Once you know this, you can learn ways to get on top of it.
What keeps Social Anxiety going?
Do you avoid:
- doing things link to the fear?
- going places linked to the fear?
This feeds the fear and keeps it alive. A big part of getting on top of it is learning ways to face your fears.
Do you take precautions?
- You might take a drink before you go out.
- You might take a bottle of water with you in case your mouth goes dry
- You might avoid eye contact
- You might wear high necked clothes to hide blushing
- You might have a ready excuse - 'I'm in for the flu - that's why my face is red'
You might see this as common sense but doing this feeds the fear. A big part of getting on top of the fear is to learn ways to cope without doing this.
This can be a big problem. It is hard to get to make friends. You may feel alone a lot of the time. You may dread invites, etc.
