STEPS

I told my boss I was stressed out. She just about fell off her seat. She said she thought I was the most laid-back guy in the place. Yet inside I feel as if I'm falling apart

I don't know if I am 'normal' anymore. I'm always asking 'Would normal people feel like this?' I feel so overwhelmed by the world now. I try to keep my head above water but I expect a big wave to break over me at any minute. I used to be so organised. Now I live in a state of chaos half the time.

I'm always on edge. I bite the head off the kids all the time. I can go for days with a throbbing headache that starts at the back of my neck and goes all the way to the top of my head. I just feel so tense all the time.

I always feel under threat. I think that people put me down even when I really know they are not. I can't let things go. I get into fights with people in my head even when there is no need to. I can get myself so worked up and I don't know how to calm down again.

I'm going to get What if... on my gravestone. What if I'm late?... What if the work shuts down?... What if they see my hand shaking?...What if the car doesn't get thought its MOT?...What if I can't pay the mortgage? It goes on and on and I just can't stop it

It wasn't until my dad said it to me that I realised that I never switch off, never relax. I am on the go all day long. I may sit down for two minutes in front of the telly but then I will be bobbing up and down - doing this, doing that. If we have a mug of tea watching the telly, as soon as I can, I'm up, getting the mugs and heading into the kitchen with them. There is no need to do this. I can't just sit back

I can't shift my sore heads. They usually start with the back of my neck getting more and more taut. At that point, I know that I will have a raging headache in an hour or so. I pop Askits like sweeties but nothing works. They do make me feel yucky and really get me down

There is a fight going on inside my head. One bit says - "I can't go there or do that", another bit says "don't be so daft - I can do it, I can cope". Then I worry about the harm all this worry might have on me. I wish I could just get up in the morning and get through the day without all this

I sweat like a pig with this stress. My shirt can be soaked in seconds. The sweat drips off my face. My hands as well. I hate it - I can't hide it, it's so bad

No matter where I am, even sitting in my mother's house, I feel like getting up and going. I just can't settle back and relax. Sometimes I make the most stupid excuses to get back home. Like, I've left the washing out and it looks like rain even although there isn't a cloud in the sky. If I'm down the shops, I look out all the exits so I know where to head if I need to escape

Things that wouldn't have got to me in the past are like huge problems now. I'll give you an example - we have a right old gossip next door to us. I've never entertained her but now I am sure that she will be spreading all my details around the neighbours. In the past I couldn't have given a damn what she said. Now I do.

Even if all is well in my life, I worry about the future. Then I worry about worrying. I could worry for Scotland

I thought that stress happened to others. I still don't know why I'm like this. But I do know that it is real. It has such an effect on my body - my head's bursting and I'm in the toilet half the day, I feel sick. My hands shake, the back of my neck kills me and I get a right pain in my chest. My doctor has checked me out. I never thought I would feel this way

I'm a printer to trade. I'm always asking the guy I work with if my work looks OK to him. He can't understand it. He scraps more jobs in a week than I do in a year yet here I am asking him if I'm doing OK. The worst is when the boss comes through the door with a rush job. I always get it because he says he knows he can depend on me to do a good job. But all I think about is how the hell I am going to do the job right. I can sweat all Sunday night knowing I'm going back to the job the next day even though I know, in my heart of hearts, I have the skill to do them.

Every day without fail, I wake with my stomach churning. During the day, I can get a feeling like an electric shock going right through my body as well. I'm tuned into my body all day. I can't shut off from it.

I saw a coffin on TV last night in a film and I thought "What if I die? How would my baby cope if I was dead?" I was in floods of tears. How daft can you get.

I always feel that something bad is about to happen. If the phone rings, I expect to hear that someone has died or has been taken to hospital. If I hear a police car, I think they are coming to tell me some bad news. Why do these thoughts keep coming back given that nothing bad ever happens. I have as much common sense as the next guy but I can't make it work for this.

I keep going over what I have done - did I say the right thing? - should I have done that? - what did she think of me? If something has been 99% good, I'll still worry about the 1% that went wrong.

Once I get a thought in my mind, it gnaws away at me and then it sparks off other worries. It gets worse and worse until I feel I'm going out of my mind.

I have this thing about hygiene. I won't drink from a glass outside as it could be dirty or have germs. I worry about cooking for the family in case I somehow get broken glass in the food or something. I try not to touch against others in the street. Same in the Health Centre - I make sure I have a tissue with me so I don't have to touch door handles with my bare skin.

If I'm out last in the morning, I check I've locked the door again and again. I give it a wee push. I unlock it and lock it again. I walk down the path, then double back, and check it again. When I get ready to go to bed, I turn off the fire, pull out the plugs, lock the door, and check that the cooker is off and so on. I may have to go back and check them all again and again. Even though I know it is OK, I can't get up the stairs. It's as if I'm stuck to the spot and, the stress is going through the roof. Once I get myself in the bed, I am all right. If I go to bed before my wife, I don't have to check even though I know she doesn't bother checking things the way I do.

I had this weird thought - if I don't touch this table nine times, something awful might happen to my kids - so I touched it nine times. If I think certain things, I have to think certain other things to cope with them. Now, I am crippled by these thoughts. I think - if something did happen, I could never live with myself so I do it and, of course, feel bad for giving into it.

If I'm holding the baby, sometimes I get this thought - 'What if I were to just drop her'. It makes me feel sick to my stomach. Now I want someone in the room with me when I've got the wee one. I know I would never harm her but why do I think such things about those I love so much.

I can't get anything done, I'm always late for work. I'm worried that something will happen to the house when I'm gone. I shut and lock the door, then give it a wee push to check its locked, walk down the path, turn back, unlock and lock it again just to make sure. I'm driving myself round the bend because I know it's locked! The thing is, if my flatmate is out after me its fine - then I'm not to blame if it goes wrong. I feel so anxious, it makes me sick to my stomach. I'd feel so guilty if something did happen, I'd feel like it was my fault.

I just don't feel right. I'm really afraid that I'll do something to hurt my mum. These thoughts are always in my head. I can picture pushing her down the stairs or strangling her. I get so upset, I'm supposed to be looking after her. I feel like such a horrible person. I try to think 'good' thoughts to make me feel better such as 'I know I love her' and 'I would never hurt anyone'. That makes me feel better for a while but the thoughts always come back. I feel like I'm fighting a constant battle in my head.

I worry about germs all the time. I get so tense and worked-up. I'm afraid that I'll become contaminated by other people and get sick. I know it's silly but I worry that I'll infect my family. If I touch something, I wash my hands over and over again to make sure they are clean. I scrub my hands with soap and really hot water. My hands end up red raw. I know my husband thinks I should just snap out of it. In some ways I realise that I'm being daft but I just don't know how to stop.

I am obsessed about my heart. I take my pulse all the time. I tune into my heart all the time. I never exert myself - never run for a bus, play with the weans, try to avoid sex and all that. I get scared when I hear about someone dying. I think I could be next.

I'm really worried I've got cancer. Any chance I get, I sit on the internet so that I'll know what to look out for. If I get a headache or an upset stomach I'm sure it's a symptom. I go to the doctor too much. He tells me I'm young and healthy but it doesn't stop me thinking about it. I keep asking for scans - how can he be sure I'm OK? My girlfriend tells me I'm alright and I need to relax. I don't know why no one else is worried. I feel like it's only a matter of time. I'm always on edge, ready for the worst. I get sweaty and I feel like my hearts going way too fast.

I suffer from multiple sclerosis and worry about my health a lot. I am scared that one day I will wake up and the tingling in my arm will be worse and I won't be able to do anything again. It is the first thing I think about when I waken up.

I have a bad back which gets worse at work because of the job I do. I have spent a lot of time finding out about back problems and have read lots of books. I have a physio who gives me exercises that are really painful so I don't do them very often - I prefer to have a massage